The Grass Isn't Greener
by craazy4ever
Summary: All they want is to go home... or do they? Charlie and Claire have to decide what's best for their relationship off the island. Very AU/some ConMama/PBJ - ON HOLD.


_Dear Diary…_

_We're going home. We're really, finally getting off this island and going home!  
Charlie's mission was a success—I don't know exactly what it was, no one tells me anything, but whatever he did, it worked. Someone on the other side spoke with him and they've sent a boat to pick us up. We're going home._

Claire finished scribbling in her diary and snapped it shut. She didn't have much time to write—they'd only stopped for a short rest on the way back to the beach.  
Locke had stayed behind, insisting that he had business with the Island's current inhabitants. His place was on the Island. Everyone else, however, was excited about the rescue. There was a feverish anticipation in the air, and all believed that nothing could go wrong now. They wouldn't _let _anything go wrong.

"Damn, Mamacita," that clear southern accent interrupted Claire's thoughts; "Baby Huey sure is gettin' to be pretty big, ain't he?" Sawyer knelt down where Aaron was lying, well bundled, in the grass.

Claire smiled and watched Sawyer curiously "I thought you were on the beach." She said quietly, putting her diary back into her bag.

"Yeah well… I run quickly." Sawyer said, endeavoring to explain, "Someone had to come back and tell Jack-o that we got through. Everyone else stayed back on the beach to watch our woodland-friends, and—" he hesitated for a moment "and to congratulate Captain Cheese-head."

"Cheese-head?" her brow furrowed disapprovingly, but her eyes twinkled and she wanted to laugh despite everything, "Come on, Blue, you can do better than that." If you can't beat them, join them, right? Sawyer wasn't as bad as he pretended to be, and when Claire had finally realized that they had gotten along rather well… most of the time.

Sawyer made a face and then said "Alright, alright, your _boyfriend_." He corrected himself, "Charlie."

"Oh God," Claire teased "You say it like that's a bad thing." Her tone was light, but she couldn't help but wonder if he had meant something by it… if there was something she should have been worried about.

"It-" Sawyer began but was interrupted.

"Come on, everybody. We've got to get a move on; we'll be back on the beach before dark." Jack called out to everyone who wasn't already ready to go.

Claire looked around and saw that she and Sawyer were of the few who hadn't already gotten up and joined the rest. "We're coming, Doc." Sawyer piped up loudly as he stood up. To Claire he said: "Let me take the baby; we'll walk together."

He helped her up and she handed Aaron to him. "Alright, but I hope you plan on talking." Claire said as she picked up her bag. They got into line, following quietly for a while.

"So," Claire broke the silence after a while "You started saying something earlier, when Jack interrupted you—what was it?" She wasn't about to let him off easy. If he had something to say, she wanted to hear it…especially, most especially if it had to do with Charlie.

"I was sayin' that Baby here's got quite the mouth, too. I mean, just listen to him!" Sawyer exclaimed as he adjusted Aaron in his arms. He was, too, chattering in a language only known to him. "He sounds like a bird, only louder. And sweeter." Sawyer added quickly when he saw Claire's expression.

"Sawyer…" Claire retorted, "I mean it. I want to know what you were saying!"

He was stalling, trying to figure out the best way to say what he wanted to without sounding like an idiot. Since when did he care what people thought about him? Well, he supposed it was when they had started caring about him. He had made some real friends on the island and suddenly their opinions mattered. He didn't want to hurt them.

"You and Charlie—it ain't a bad thing if you're happy. Hell, I'd even say that you two belong together here like—like Ken and Barbie." Sawyer paused; Claire was staring at him, mouth agape; "Bad example. They didn't really last, did they?" Sawyer paused again, uncomfortably, "I guess that's what I mean though. Who knows what's going to happen when we get off this island? And have you thought about it?"

Claire was silent for several moments and Sawyer actually started to worry that he had offended her. He was only trying to help. "Claire I—"

"No, it's okay." Claire stopped him. She had no argument for him, he was right. What would it be like when they got off the island? She hadn't really stopped to think about it. She loved Charlie. Charlie loved her. Why couldn't that just be it? Granted though, that they had never actually _said_ it…  
"I guess I hadn't really thought about it at all." She admitted quietly. "It just isn't… isn't something I'd _like _to think about."

"But you need to," Sawyer said slowly "Better to think about it and talk about it now, than when we're back to wherever we're goin' and you've got six hundred other people thinking about it for you, asking you if you really love him and how long you plan on being with him. Trust me."

"But I _do_ love him!" Claire insisted, more to herself than to him.

"I know, Blondie, I know. But the real world ain't fair. It's gonna ask you all kinds of questions about why you love him, and whether or not it's more convenient to love him or lose him when you've got a house and money to support you and the kid." He finished gruffly "I'm just sayin'…be careful. And be fair to both of you—all of you."

"We're not home yet, Sawyer…" Claire chided gently. "Let's not burn our bridges before we've crossed them, okay?"

"Fine." Sawyer said, "Just promise me that you'll think about it, before it's too late."

"I'll think about it. _And_ I'll talk to Charlie." She assured him, "Thank you."

"Looks like we're back now, anyway." Sawyer said as they reached the beach. "You want me to walk to back to your tent?"

"No, that's alright. I'll have to put Aaron down for a nap when I get there anyway, and he'll fuss and…"

"I got it, I got it." Sawyer laughed, "You're just sayin' that it wouldn't be my cup o' tea."

Claire grinned as she took the baby from him "Exactly."

"Well alright. I'll be seeing you 'round then." Sawyer said and turned to leave.

"Not so fast." He was still close and Claire threw her free arm around him in a quick hug, "Thanks for everything."

Sawyer was surprised but he recovered himself and hugged her back. "Anytime, Claire-a-belle, anytime. Now get outta here," He said, stepping back "There's a rock star waitin' for you down there."

* * *

The sun was setting over the ocean now; the sky and water met at the horizon, the sky saying goodnight in the deepest hues of pink, purple, and orange, and the sea welcoming the night with the clearest shades of blue and green. It was beautiful and almost romantic in a way, and Claire wished she could have painted it—but she was no artist.  
Why couldn't everything always be like this?

Aaron was sleeping peacefully in his crib; most of the survivors had gathered into small groups around campfires and there was a strong feeling of community as people chatted and laughed and chatted some more. Claire heard someone ask what had happened in the hatch when Charlie had pushed the button. But it was Desmond, not Charlie, who answered. Claire looked up and looked around, surprised. She was sure that Charlie would have been the one answering questions like that—it was so unlike him _not_ to. She frowned. Where _was_ he?

"Mind if I join you, love?" a gentle hand rested on her shoulder.

Claire jumped up quickly "Charlie! How many times have I told you not to do that!?"

"Uhm," Charlie sat down on her bed and pulled her down with him "Let's see…" He held up his hand and pretended to count off in his head "Only one, just now. And I'll take that as a yes." He said, putting his arm around Claire and pulling her close.

"Hmph." Claire huffed, annoyed with herself for being so jumpy. But she rested her head in the curve of his neck and relaxed. "Why aren't you down there being the hero?" she murmured absentmindedly. It wasn't that she wasn't pleased that he had come—she just wanted to know _why_ he had chosen to be here instead of at the center of attention.

"Hmm?" Charlie asked, his mind obviously also some place else. "Oh I don't know. I suppose there will be plenty of time for story telling on the boat tomorrow or whenever it gets here. Besides" he continued "I'd rather be here now… it's been a long day." It _had_ been a long day. Not necessarily event wise, either; he and Desmond had gotten back to the beach early in the afternoon and Charlie had spent the better part of the rest of the day thinking. Thinking and playing his guitar, mostly.

"Well I'm glad." Claire said, entwining her fingers through his. "I want to be the first to hear it from you, anyway."

Charlie squeezed her hand a little "Later," he promised "I'll tell you all about it, just a little later." He had more important things to talk about now… if he could just get around to saying them.

"Was it terrible?" Claire asked, realizing for the first time that he wasn't his usual chatty self.

"Quite." He replied, rather shortly. He wasn't upset with her, just with himself.

Claire straightened up and studied him. Something was bothering him, clearly. She had never known him to be so serious about anything, ever. "Charlie, what's wrong?" she demanded quietly.

He was silent for several moments, avoiding her sharp questioning eyes. "Nothing's wrong." He finally said, sighing. "I've just been doing some thinking…quite a lot of thinking, actually."

"Thinking?" Claire asked aloud, and then she recalled her conversation with Sawyer earlier and wondered if Charlie had come to the same conclusions that Sawyer had. "Oh…" she said softly "Charlie, talk to me. You've been thinking about this, about _us_, and what'll happen when we go home."

Charlie's head snapped up immediately and his eyes flashed "Home? Last I checked, I--" He stopped. She didn't know. "Sorry. Let's just say that _home_ isn't the word I would have used. But yeah," He sighed again, "that's what I've been thinking about."

He was quiet for a moment and then he realized that Claire had looked away, and he couldn't tell if she was crying or not. "Claire?" He reached out and touched her face "Claire, look at me." She looked at him, her eyes half-filled. She wasn't quite crying, but she was close enough that it hurt him. "_I'm sorry_." Charlie said "I didn't mean to snap, I just…" he stopped talking for a moment and put his arms around her, resting her head back on his shoulder. "I didn't mean to."

"I know." Claire didn't say anything more for a while. She just let him hold her.  
"You've been thinking… so tell me about it."

"Right," Charlie said, "I've been thinking. When we get off this island I want to settle down. I have some things to sort out first, of course. But after that, I'd like to settle down, get married, and have a proper house and a family and all of that." He took a deep breath before he continued "I think-"

"Charlie!" Claire sat up again, "Don't you think you're jumping the gun a little here? I mean really-"

"Claire, Claire, calm down and let me finish." Charlie hushed her, "I think we shouldn't see each other when we get off the island. Not like… not like this anyway. I'm not sure where I'll be in this _relationship_ once we're back in the real world."

"But Charlie…" Claire wanted to argue with him, but she couldn't. He was right… she wasn't sure where she'd be when they we back, either. She had just assumed that this was it. "What if we both decide that this is what we want?" She twisted her ring around her thumb as though it made her feel better. It didn't, of course, but it gave her something to do with her hands.

"If this is what you want… if this is what _we _want, we'll decide what to do when we reach that conclusion." Charlie said firmly. "But we need to go our separate directions first. Okay?"

Claire finally nodded. She couldn't make herself say anything. _Be fair, be fair_, _be fair. _**Damn fairness**. _No, not really_, she corrected herself, _it's the right thing to do._

Charlie impulsively grabbed her fidgeting hands in his and held them still. "It's not like it's the end of the world, Claire-Bear. Just think about it. We'll set a lunch-date on the boat or something and decide when to meet again."

"You make it sound so simple." She said, finally.

"It _is_ so simple. There's nothing complicated about it." Charlie said, rising to leave. "And it's the right thing to do." He wasn't sure if he was more trying to convince her… or himself. "I'm going to go get some sleep now. I'll see you later though."

"Later then." Claire whispered "You still have to tell me about your big scary adventure under water."

Charlie smiled a little "Right." He agreed. Then he was gone.

Claire put her head on her pillow, deciding that sleep didn't sound so bad, _if_ she could get any. She couldn't help but feel that her world, her heart, had been torn in two. "It's not the end of the world… it's the right thing to do."

_Be fair._

She finally fell asleep.


End file.
